Bad Boss
Justin Oblinger, August 8th, 2009
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown – Shakespeare.
Unfortunately, this is an all too common issue for American workers. You have about a 1 in 3 chance right now of working for a bad boss, though you may not even realize it. If you don’t have a bad boss now, this sobering statistic pretty much guarantees you will run into one at some point in your career.
Why are there so many bad managers? There are many causes. The company you work for may not have a strong leadership development program. The manager may be a technician by nature, who “grew up” learning your profession and was rewarded with a management title at some point. These technicians don’t just automatically develop an innate ability to lead others, something we call “people skills” in my profession. They know the job well, but this type of manager will need to develop into someone who inspires others if they are to graduate into the good boss category. You could also have someone who is simply not honest, is self-seeking and is overly concerned with their own personal career ambition. This raw ambition may have propelled them to management ranks, and yes, this is the dark side of the force.
This will eventually catch up to them, but in the meantime, guess who gets to suffer? And you may not want to wait around until the bad boss sees the errors of his ways. In fact, I know most people don’t – according to employee retention surveys I see. The consistent number one reason people typically leave their job is to escape the guy or gal who is managing them, beating out crummy pay or woefully inadequate working conditions. What follows are some personally tested techniques to help make this situation better for you.
The Warning Signs
Your first step in dealing with a bad boss is figuring out if you have one. If you are reading this, chances are, that may already be obvious. However some folks out there may be working for someone who is wearing a pretty clever disguise.
Eye of the beholder
Know how you like to be managed before you assess whether the person at the big desk is truly an ogre. If you prefer to be told exactly what to do, your perfect manager may look a lot different than mine (I want almost total autonomy – just point me in the right direction; I will figure out how to take the hill). This could also be a style issue. You may be an extravert and your boss is very introverted. Unless you are fully aware of your differences in communication, this is likely to lead your boss to think you are too talkative and for you to think she is as much fun as watching paint dry. Although self-awareness is definitely one of the top 5 attributes of a good leader, don’t expect your boss to have much of it. That’s up to you to figure out and then tailor your communication appropriately. I am a big fan of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which identifies many of these style issues. MBTI has been used in Corporate America for a long time, so chances are good that your boss may have already taken this assessment. You could simply ask your manager if they have taken the assessment, and if so, what his or her personality type was. Then go and read up on the style. MBTI categorizes how people process information, make decisions, think, feel and what the tendency is for being organized vs. being spontaneous. All things that would help improve your knowledge of your manager, if they can share this information with you. If they can’t share with you, either because they have not taken it or they don’t seem to remember, learn about the instrument yourself and try to figure out what the MBTI profile is by observation. More on what to do with this valuable information once you acquire it in the ACTION-PLAN section below.
The weak-kneed
This is someone who lacks the political savvy or the courage to stand up for you or your team. While this may be forgivable (these tend to be “nice” guys or gals) it can lead to problems when others accuse you or your team of something. Instead of jumping to your aid, the boss compliantly agrees with the outsider’s assessment of you.
The conflict-avoider
A close cousin to the weak-kneed manager is the conflict-avoider. This person will allow low performers to go unchecked (dragging you down in the process) and will loathe any direct confrontation. The chief coping strategy for the conflict-avoider is procrastination. On the plus side, these are actually bosses you have a decent shot at coaching if they seem open to feedback. One of your goals might be to psych them up enough to have the 10-minute uncomfortable conversation they need to have with the low performer in your group that is driving everybody crazy.
Form-over-function manager
These are fairly easy to spot – they care about how they look versus how well they get the job done. Form-over-function managers will often criticize you because you made them look bad in some way. This is one of the tougher types to deal with, because at its core, this person has an integrity issue, which often can’t be changed (by you at least). Ask yourself, when was the last time your manager publicly gave you credit? Imagine what the conversation is like between your boss and her boss when the topic is you? The well-dressed suits, jewelry, office look and generally high-level of poise and protocol are also a good tip off you may have a form-over-function manager.
BWMs
This stands for Black-and-White Managers. These individuals are often colorblind. For a BWM, there is never any ambiguity with issues, people or decisions. This is an overly simplistic way of thinking which doesn’t work very well with the gray and murky areas of life in motion. In my experience, BWMs loved me. I had all the delicious golden rules for them to follow. I did not love them. They were always “frequent flyers” in my office because they wanted to know the letter of the law. However, the more I catered to their need for an Employee Cookbook, the happier they were, and the poorer the resolution of the situation. I would engage with them, but my job was to coach them to take into consideration “the gray” and process more information about the employee then they were willing to consider. Spotting the BWMs thinking style is not too hard. You want to keep listen closely to the labels your manager uses when speaking about others. BWMs like to label folks. If they label you early on, at the beginning of your relationship, it will be very hard to change it this mindset.
The Micromanager
My friend and I, while we were both looking for jobs, had a little bet going. We wanted to see which of us would hear the phrase, “I’m not a micromanager,” in our interviews the most. We each had about 3-4 interviews. Our theory was that anyone who says “I’m not a micromanager,” is almost certainly…a micromanager. So I won the bet, unfortunately, and bought myself a couple of months of mild annoyance. And micromanagers are not all bad. They care about the work, and they are usually grounded in some level of honesty. Here is the problem with a micromanager though – they do not trust you. The micromanager does not believe you can do the job right. And he or she probably will not like it if you happen to be smarter. Your boss will want to know everything you are doing. These types are BIG fans of monthly, weekly, maybe even hourly status reports. The disease of micromanagement seems to stem from an unpowered sense of what leadership actually is, combined with a little-bit of an inferiority-complex. Another typical situation is that they perhaps did your job before you, and while this earned them the right to sit in the corner office, it did not make them a great and patient teacher. And it certainly doesn’t help you get your job done, when half your time is spent justifying what you did in endless meetings.
The Absentee Manager
This manager is never around. Even when they are around, they are not totally present. Worse still, they rarely actually take the time to listen to others. When you need work direction, you may not get any. When you need a defender, he or she will be on leave. When your workgroup is being criticized, your manager will probably ignore it to your detriment. I’m a big fan of Band of Brothers (a WWII miniseries shown on HBO). One episode deals with the events after the siege of Bastogne, where the army unit being portrayed needed to attack a village infested with German troops. The leader of “E” company, 1st Lieutenant Norman Dike, was constantly missing, even before the battle. He was invisible to the men as the episode developed from preparation and then assault on the town. And this leadership absence nearly cost the unit dearly. Fortunately, this leader was replaced (or killed, I don’t remember) before it led the EZ Company to total ruin. In addition to being a great war drama, this is one of the best examples of an absentee manager I can remember.
The Workaholic
They don’t have a life. They don’t expect you to have a life. They often do not have kids, or have so disassociated themselves from their children that they don’t really understand your perspective. I’ve worked for several workaholics; all-in-all, it hasn’t been too bad. It’s only when you miss workaholism with with some other annoying trait, that this can sometimes become unbearable.
The Ogre
This one is a combination of all the above. Rarely are people so lacking in integrity, kindness and even the most fundamental people skills, that they would fall into this category, but there are some. Captain Herbert Sobel, also depicted in the Band of Brothers miniseries, is a great example of an all-around terrible leader. Sobel displays a demented mixture of form-over-function, black-and-white thinking, micro-management, and paranoia. I once had a chance to meet one of the military advisors for Band of Brothers, who I brushed elbows with at a leadership conference. The advisor confided in me some interesting tidbits about the real-life Capt. Sobel. One thing he shared was about a conversation between the actor who portrayed Sobel (David Schwimmer), and the real-life hero of the series, Ret. Major Richard Winters. At an award ceremony, Schwimmer asked if he had been authentic in his viciousness, when he portrayed Winter’s boss, the hated Captain Sobel. The aging veteran smiled, and said that Schwimmer hadn’t even come close to how nasty the real commander really was.
The point of describing some of the bad boss stereotypes is to give you a cue at spotting and categorizing what some of your problems might be with your boss. This is not to demonize, or villefy this person; just give you a way of tailoring your action steps specific to the situation. Also bear in mind, that no matter how bad or wrong you think your boss might be, we are never always 100% right if we were to honestly appraise ourselves. Keep this in mind as you read through the action-steps below. While I definitely think they will help, it all starts with you knowing what your side of the street looks like.
Action-Plan
1. Find your personal hot-buttons.
If someone asks me how to be a better manager or leader, I start first by asking them what they know about what motivates each person on their team. We all have motivations, and good bosses will have a reasonable guess as to what your individual motivators are. You might be motivated by promotion, title, prestige or cool cash. Now flip this notion and ask yourself what a bad boss would do in this situation? More than likely a bad boss would not know what individually motivates you, or anyone else who reports to them. Worse still, the boss’ utter lack of knowledge would mean that he or she would be tripping over your hot buttons left and right. My suggestion for you here would be to spend a little bit of time learning what most ticks you off. Is it the boss’ yelling, questioning your competence, or ominous face that sends you into a death-rage spiral? When your hot button does get triggered by the boss, be prepared to manage the tenseness that you feel. If a cool glass of water is at hand, take a sip – it will literally cool you off. Listen to the boss, nod and manage your composure. When the boss is done, ask some questions – “Can I help with this?,” or “What can I do to fix problem X? Questions like these, spoken in a clear, and confident tone, can do wonders to calm the hyper-ventilating manager down. Remember, if your tendency is to fire back with something vicious, you will lose the battle and it may cause you even worse suffering.
2. Feedback
Consider giving feedback to the boss. Here’s a little known fact – managers get very little feedback from their superiors, who in turn get even less from senior managers. There is some truth to the phrase, “it’s lonely at the top.” If you have a bad boss, you could consider giving this person feedback, and it may be the first time the person has actually been confronted with your observation. If you have a grasp for the integrity of your boss and believe they could handle the feedback, this may be an option – but know your target first. I do not want you to stroll into your boss’ office, put your feet up, and starting firing off your “concerns.” This simply may not be the right person, ever to do that with. On the other hand, if your boss shows some depth of humanity, concern for people (however stunted), and a sincere earnestness to improve themselves, they might be okay with the conversation. Just know that you take some risk if you go down this path, no matter what. As far as how to approach and what to say, know you may not do it perfectly – that’s okay. It’s hard to have this type of conversation. It’s okay to fumble as long as you feel you can get your point across, and you can express both sincerity (that you want to make the situation right) and empathy (you understand, or seek to understand how they feel). Be specific with your words and try to only identify behaviors. Don’t label the person (as I have done here) into gross stereotypes. Identify the specific behavior that has upset you or is causing you grief and describe how that makes you feel. I know…I know. You don’t want to say how you FEEL to anyone, much less a boss that you may not be getting along with, but trust me on this one – throwing out a label like “micromanager” is not going to help your cause. Saying “when X happened, it made me feel scared,” isn’t going to anger many people. Letting the manager know that you felt embarrassed when she dressed you down in front of a group of your peers is very specific and can’t be argued with – you felt it.
3. Try to address the problem with help from somebody else.
The help you might be thinking of here could include HR, the boss’ boss, or some seemingly sympathetic manager, perhaps a manager you used to work with. Now even though I’m in HR, I have to share from research on this subject, that trying to address the problem like this, usually backfires. Occasionally it works out, and I’ve even helped people to make sure it worked out, but you can’t always count on the those you are dealing with once you go to a wider circle of people. If you decide to go down this route, I would speak with your contact first from a position of how they might help you with your problem – namely how to adjust, cope and get along with your boss. Be forthcoming in claiming your responsibility – there is always something we could have done differently. Then take the approach that you are trying to find some confidential ways for addressing your issues with your boss in a more skillful way. A lot of employees who come in to see me about this sort of thing, start immediately making accusations, non-specific claims about discrimination, harassment and other nasty behavior. This comes across as very one-sided, and I immediately begin to question the employee’s authenticity – are they really telling me the whole story? If you instead take the tack that you want to become more skillful at dealing with your boss, you are likely to be more trusted. And the next time feedback is needed about a situation in your area, they will come to you. If you do think something has occurred which is discriminatory, illegal, or harassing, you should come forward and describe the situation, either to HR, an ethics hotline or another member of management. Also remember to be specific – facts, figures, dates. General claims of insulting, yelling, cajoling, threatening, and “he’s was mean to me,” don’t work too well in court. You must be specific with the situations you need addressed, which means writing them down somewhere. Only perhaps a few out of 100 employees who have an issue like this actually take the time to write down specifics. So they doom any legitimate bad behavior to not being addressed.
4. Figuring out the style differences and adapting.
While you are putting up with the daily headaches of the job, become an anthropology researcher and study every movement and behavior of your boss. Use the MBTI to figure out your own style of communication and then evaluate what your manager’s style might be. See where you might find some common ground. This type of intense studying may reveal some patterns that were not previously manifested to you. Ask yourself what you would do in the same situation if you were the boss? Remember that this one person, who happens to be your boss now, will not be with you for your entire career. Where can you adapt or making make some minor adjustments that will appeal to the boss’ unique style and which things are you unwilling to make adjustments (which leads us to the final action below).
3. Moving On.
You could also consider leaving the job. There are two paths to do this – find another manager to work for within the same company. Or look for employment externally.
If you decide to stay inside the company, make sure you understand and are aware what happens when you apply for a job with the recruiting system the company uses (assuming they have one). Depending on the company, your job application may route an email to your current boss, letting him or her know. If you have shared only with your prospective new boss that you are looking for something else, before you have had the tough conversation with your current manager, you might be headed for some extreme awkwardness. In some ways, this is just as risky as giving direct feedback might be, with an added topping of treachery thrown in for good measure. Also know too, that while many companies discourage managers from giving references for employees who left the organization to outside employers, internal job references are often encouraged as a great way to find out about inter-company talent. So just understand that if you do look internally to get away from a bad boss, there are lots of ways for him to find out. Proceed with caution. I also find that it’s useful to have a safe advisor who can mentor you through situations like these. This is someone who is not politically aligned with your manager, and can give you objective coaching on how to navigate the internal company politics.
If you decide to leave your company for an outside opportunity, you need to keep this under, until you have reached the signed offer letter stage of the hiring process. There are many hidden reasons why people choose to leave a job. Seeing a miserable future, and irreconcilable differences with the boss is usually at the top of the list “hidden” list. You need to be able to calculate the real drivers of your decision to leave though. To help you conduct the economic calculus required to make this decision, I believe you should first quantify the trust (or lack thereof) you have in your manager. You can actually do this in terms of compensation.
Use this guideline – a good manager is worth about 10% of your overall compensation. So if you make 100,000 a year, working for a manager you trust is worth 10,000 bucks. If you think of it in those terms, you can evaluate leaving the manager vs. any other opportunities that are out there.
Other things to factor in and weight in terms of compensation might be your opportunities for learning (give that another 10%), chances for promotion (another 10%), and the commute.
Please note that many of the bad boss stereotypes I’ve outlined will feel betrayed when you leave, even though they treated you like dirt the entire time. Know and expect this, especially if you are interviewing for a job internally and they find out. If you are interviewing externally, I would delay letting the boss know you are looking until you are fully ready to resign (with job offer letter in hand).
If you do decide to leave and announce your resignation, expect more manipulation after you give notice as the bad boss tries to gain the upper hand. By this point, you may just want to end on good terms, and have a tendency to put your guard down. They bad boss may not be able to help themselves from disturbing your smooth departure. If you are the type that seeks vindication or maybe you want to enjoy a good gloat, take solace that your announcement is especially painful for certain types of managers – if you are high potential (an HR term used to identify people who are considered to be capable of taken leadership positions at some point), your leaving will not be a good thing for the manager, so expect them to try and spin however they can. So refrain from doing a jig or rubbing the manager’s nose in your outstanding offer – let karma catch up to them.
Personal Story
I’ve had my share of bad bosses and good bosses. I had one bad manager who attempted to manipulate me after I announced my resignation. My chosen method of dealing with His Most High Crappiness was to move to another company. After being floored with my announcement that I was resigning (I actually caught him literally hunched over the sink in the bathroom after I told him), he still managed to try to cover his tracks. It should have been a decision he would have been happy with (we mutually loathed each other). What he did instead was started offering a relocation deal with our current company to my destination city. His effort was insincere – something in retrospect I should have detected from the get go. He offered this to me to try to once again gain the upper-hand.
So I waited a day to see what he came up with, only to have him say the company would just be allowing me to resign. Once he had put his political spin on the situation (and I’m sure damaged my reputation with the higher ups in the process), he no longer needed me and was happy to “let me go.”
My advice to you is plan on and account for the manager’s feeling of betrayal (even good managers feel this a little bit). Be prepared to defend your reputation (if you want to entertain notions of coming back to the same employer some day), and minimize what you communicate to the bad boss. For instance, you don’t need to tell them anything other than “I quit.” If you have an overactive need to make a show and brag about your great new job, you are likely to provoke an even stronger reaction. Keep cool, stay quiet and get out.
27% — The number of managers who employees say bad-mouth subordinates with other peers, according to a Fall 2007 article in Leadership Quarterly, Fall 2007
Learn More
Band of Brothers, Episodes 1-7. Very good depiction of a bad boss – in this case Captain Sobel of E-Company in this WWII drama about the 101st Airborne. Another leader — Lieutenant Harry Dike in some of the later episodes is an absentee manager. This shows also has some great examples of good leadership as well.
Coping with Difficult Bosses by Howard Branson.
keepem.com This website has some good articles on how to hold onto good employees, written with the overworked manager in mind, but it has some great ideas and thoughts for employees as well. And it’s good preparation – you may be the boss someday.
